Saturday, January 14, 2006

Paper Faces on Parade

My three sisters and I played hide and seek all the time as children. Just about everyone has played hide and seek at some point in their lives. There's something oddly thrilling in the knowledge that you have a hiding place where no one will ever find you; some element of pride and satisfaction when you spot a shoelace and yell, " I found you!" and the defeated person rises dejectedly from his or her inadequate hiding place to take the walk of shame back to base.Hide and seek is considered by most to be a kid's game. But adults play it all the time without even realizing it. Oftentimes they play better than the kids. As time passed, the game morphed in its style and means of concealment. No longer is our mode of camouflage restricted to cupboards or spaces behind the sofa. Now we hide behind our brilliantly and carefully designed masks.Now, all of you are sitting here, faces unadorned, looking at me as if I’m crazy because as far as you can tell there are no masks on your faces. Some of these faces are even somewhat pleasant to look at sometimes. But I’m not talking about the kind of mask that you tie around your head and then run around yelling, “High, ho, Silver!” I’m talking about a mask that is as tangible as the air you breathe and as strong as these four walls.
This means of concealment is a higher and more "sophisticated" version of the game of course, but the concept remains the same—do not be seen, do not be found. If you are found out, the repercussions are a little different than they were for us as kids. You do not simply say, "oops, I lose. I guess I'd better try to find a better hiding place next time," and wait back at "base" to start a new game. If you are found out, your strategy and all your potential hiding places for future rounds are known to all the players. Your tactics will then have to change and you will have to create more hiding places which is not nearly as easy as it sounds. If someone yells, "Ollie Ollie oxenfree," and you show yourself because you think you're safe, you could very well lose everything. Confused? I’ll explain. Think about all of your friends and consider--do they know you? I'm not asking if they know your middle name or what your favorite show is or what you thought of the latest installment of the Land Before Time saga. I'm telling you to stop and think of all the things they know about you. Are these things really you? Or are they the invention of a brilliant actor who plays a character offstage better than anything they could ever do onstage? Now, every once in a while, these masks, these facades of confidence and security will slip and we'll see some of what's under them. These moments are rare, but there is another way to see under the mask if you look closely enough. There is an old saying that the eyes are the windows to the soul. I disagree to some extent. I think it's a bit more accurate to say that the eyes are mirrors of the soul. Granted, murky mirrors, but reflections can still be caught in them from time to time. Most people are so busy trying to keep others from seeing what's in there that they don't realize this; they don’t realize that the only things that show from under the mask are the eyes. We could see people if we looked. No one's looking.Why are we so afraid? We walk around as if at a masquerade, trying to guess at other people's motives and intentions while trying to foil the attempts of other people to discover us. If there is one person brave enough to remove the mask, he is laughed and scorned back into his disguise. Any potential followers are discouraged by his example and the masquerade continues. We are left to play our game of hide and seek with all of its guesses and fears and uncertainties.It usually takes time to get to know someone well enough to get them to take off their mask and to remove your own. All along the way there is always the possibility that they will jump ship when things get too scary or intense or inconvenient. But since fear seems to be the overwhelming monarch and referee of this twisted game, all that's left to do is learn to see the mirrors and pray that ours don't get broken. Perhaps at some point along the way you'll meet someone that you can see. I wish you the best of luck. Until then, welcome to the masquerade.