The GODfather

I had lunch with God today. My parents had sent me one of those nifty little coupons for a free medium pizza from Pizza Ranch, so I decided to call God and set up a lunch date to discuss the terms of a treaty. Surprisingly, He actually returned my call and agreed. He was late, as usual. But if He's usually late, then I guess that means He was on time for Him. I ordered pepperoni and sat down in the back to haggle with Him for a while. Usually when two enemies of massive proportions sit down to talk, they're surrounded by thier armies or right hand man or something. As I looked around, all I saw were a few hungry old people. Men of formidable stature walked past us--men who's stride shook the table beneath me. More than once I was in fear of losing my pizza on the ground and recieving my drink on my lap, minus the cup. In short, no intimidating henchmen stood behind Him or behind me. Just the two of us. I wondered for a second why that was. Then I realized that it's only odd if it's a meeting of two enemies of massive proportions. He was only meeting me.
We discussed the situation for a while. His terms--love Him. Don't turn my back on Him. Do what He says. My terms--I would do my best to not curse Him on a daily basis so long as He tells me what I need to do; so long as He helps me to hear Him tell me what I need to do.
We argued for a while longer. He sat there looking at me with the eyes of someone who knows His enemy is close to breaking. I was well aware of the fact that my eyes resembled those of a man on his knees with the tip of a sword tickling his throat. I told Him I had to go to the bathroom.
I realized then that I watched too many movies. When I got in there I was thinking about the scene from The Godfather when Michael Corleone enters the bathroom, pulls a gun from behind the toilet, comes out, shoots his enemies and leaves. I thought of what it would be like if I pulled a gun from behind the toilet, walked out, and shot God in the face. I laughed. I wonder which would send me to Hell faster--thinking of shooting God in the face, or laughing about the idea.
We left without coming to any definite agreement.
I am enjoying a momentary cease fire, but I'm also waiting for the next blow. If I know my foe, it'll be soon, and it'll be hard. I hope it ends it. I would welcome defeat if it would just end this effing war. Ah well. Enough self pity for the moment. I have stuff to do.