Starless Sky and Moonless Night Part II/Dark Night of the Soul

When the conversation I mentioned in my last entry took place, I thought, wow! that would be a great subject for a poem. I resolved to make it so and to write a wonderfully painful poem about the subject. When I sat down to do so, however, it didn't really come out quite right. So I decided to just wait and try in a little while to complete the task I'd set for myself. The inherent difficulties in writing poetry had other plans. I was stumped after the first three lines. For the last couple of days this idea of the poem has been nagging me and has been waiting to be written. But I had nothing fresh in my mind to draw on. The tiniest of events that happened over the weekend--the memories of things that had once plagued me resurfacing as I walked Puddle Jump trail at eleven o'clock, the uncomfortable awkwardness of less then welcome advances, etc.--gave me what I needed. I sat down today and it all flowed out onto the paper like urine that has been held too long but not as fragrant and not as damp. Here it is.

"Dark Night of the Soul"

Teardrops fall on a still and silent lake
Spreading the ripples out further 'till
The whole lake feels the effects.
Memories of an old pain once thought
Dead arise again in the shadow that
Follows every step; a dark mirror
Image reflecting the anger, the
Anguish held in the rounded
Shoulders, the head bent down,
The eyes averted, the feet blindly
Following one another to a place
The rest of the body does
Not wish to go.
The sky is dark, the pleasures of
Night witheld--no stars, no moon
To pierce the cloak draped
Over the world.
To move is agony.
To remain still unbearable.
Each faltering step in danger of
Being the last.
Each trembling breath a cry for
Mercy.
Let it end.
Let dawn rise. Let the early light
Of morning dispel terror and pain.
My heart has fallen. My soul not
Far behind.
I have failed.
I will not see the day.


So there it is. Oddly enough, this incredibly depressing downer of a poem makes me extremely happy. I finally put down in words the feelings that are so hard to articulate that assault us from time to time.
Boom, baby!!